This morning I was taking a credit card number from a client. Of the 23 numbers taken, one was incorrect. As a result, the system broke down and payment was not accepted.
A few days ago, I received a referral for mediation, from solicitor. They provided 2 telephone numbers to contact. One of the numbers was incorrect in both telephone numbers. As a result, I could not get through to the person.
In both cases, things were quickly back on track after I took time to check and clarify the numbers and information provided.
This caused me to think about what had just happened, the lessons learned and how these simple lessons could be applied to the field of conflict resolution.
Far too much conflict and disputes are caused by misinformation, misunderstanding and, of course, misperception.
If one simply takes the time to listen carefully, check meaning and mutual understanding, many of these disputes can be avoided, early on, by focusing on what is actually causing the conflict and not what we think might be, based on a lack of understand or, worse still, wrong information.
However, where little or no trust exists between those in conflict, one of the common results is that people do not give each other the benefit of the doubt, preferring to make assumptions and judgements, based on their existing beliefs (conflict narratives/limiting beliefs) about the other person, centred on mistrust.
As a result of being misunderstood and feeling judged, the other person reacts defensively, justifying the 1st person’s belief about them, that they cannot be trusted.
This quickly creates an angry conflictual loop, a ‘closed loop of communication’ that can quickly develop a life of its own and often because of one small piece of information ie ‘one number!’
Remember to be curious, checking meaning, assumptions and judgements, BEFORE responding.
Break the conflict cycle, break the negative communication loop, check the information being received and your understanding BEFORE deciding how to respond.
If this is done by everyone involved, open and honest dialogue is more likely to define communication, leading far more quickly to resolution.