Some facilitators find it a challenge to contain and diffuse ‘eruptions’ in their meetings. Here is a simple approach and suggested sequence of questions to consider and adapt for your own use focusing on peoples core values and interests, to diffuse ’emotional eruptions’ and re-direct the thinking and conversation in a more positive and constructive direction. 

ACKNOWLEDGE, NORMALISE, MUTUALISE, REASSURE AND RE-FOCUS

I can see that this is a really difficult conversation for you both, for your own personal reasons.

You will remember that, from the outset, I said that there will be challenges to overcome if you want to achieve the things you have talked about and described.

I am here to work with you, to help you both do this.

(Re-direct attention and focus on to motivational values you have previously elicited from your clients) 

You both know why you are here and what you want to achieve.

You have both told me that you really care about X, Y, Z

You have both told me that A,B,C are really important to you.

And, I get the sense that despite the struggle, you are both determined to find a way through to achieve the things we have talked about

BUILD AND REBUILD MOTIVATIONAL GOALS

(If needs be spend a little time on building/rebuilding the positive emotional picture, their motivational objectives..)

So, remind me, what difference would it make to your lives, if you could achieve these things? What would be different? Describe them for each other….

What else? X 3 (build away)

AND (Commend intent and commitment)

I also see that you are both committed and determined to do the best you can despite the challenges you may be feeling so use some of this strength and commitment

SO, (Ask for the effort and action needed)

You may want to ask yourselves and each other;

What are you each prepared to do to work together on this

What are you each willing to change in order to achieve ..

Indeed, what might you each be willing to give up in order to build and create something that you will both be proud of  (at this point I often refer to my metaphor of a ‘seesaw of reciprocity’ which needs to be operating smoothly, in order to frame the task ahead of them)

REPEAT (Keep at it)

You have both told me that X,Y,Z is really important to you so would you like to move on to look at what you are both going to do to get these things

If they push back, (yes, but) keep at it..

REINFORCE

If you could achieve X,Y,Z what would it mean/do/get for you and the children

What else?

So, tell me .

Bring them back to what they were looking at when it broke down 

BEGIN TO BUILD AGREEMENT 

What needs to happen next to make this happen

Who is going to do what, by when