Why is it that, apparently less than a quarter of cases in which a MIAM has taken place, proceed to mediation?

This certainly not my experience or the experience of the Compass Resolution mediators.

In fact, it is the reverse, with most of our enquiries turning into mediations. So, why might that be?

First, let’s be clear about the purpose of mediation and the part the MIAM has to play in this.

My view is that the primary purpose of mediation is to help and support separated couples to be able to communicate sufficiently well so that they are able to reach  their own decisions and craft their own agreements. The key words here are of course, ‘their own agreements’. It is a process which has ‘self determination’ at its heart.

It is a process that focusses on enabling, empowering, motivating and supporting separating couples in all sorts of ways to determine their own outcomes rather than giving the previous gift of self determination away to others.

In some cases, I admit that this is a big ask, requiring careful assessment and screening by someone skilled in this field and, above all, careful and skilled priming and preparation, each person to ‘get the best out of themselves’ and work effectively in a conflictual interactional ‘neutral problem solving’ environment.

Sadly, my experience is that too many family mediators out there are giving ‘lip service’ to what should be a carefully managed and skilled process of properly convening the mediation process.

‘It is often too easy to quickly conclude that it going to be too hard to sort things out together so let’s go to court or arbitration where someone else will tell us what to do and what is best for us’.

Is it not surprising that many mediation information and assessment meetings fail to produce successful mediations?

Also, apparently more than half of those asked said that very few of the cases that proceeded to mediation after a MIAM resulted in settlement, with less than a quarter settling. Why might that be?

Admittedly, this could be for all sorts of reasons but from my experience, one important reason is that MIAMs come too late in the process, when people have reached the point that they want to go to court and may even be encouraged to do so by the person they have built some trust with, their solicitor.

I am now frequently being contacted by people who tell me that they have been sent by their solicitor to get ‘some kind of certificate so that they can go to court’.

By this stage, the emotional and psychological barriers to mediation and the MIAM have been established and built up to such an extent that the mediator has an enormous task to persuade the person to explore the mediation option with an open mind. The mind has been effectively shut down to this option.

Also, assuming that the mediator can then help the separating couple overcome their psychological and emotional barriers to mediation, the success of the mediation process is so often dependent on how effectively the mediator works with the couple as well as other family professionals, in a cohesive and joined up way, working with the right professional, in the right role, at the most appropriate time in the mediation process, in the most efficient and cost effective way through the separation process and beyond.

How often does this happen?

How often does mediation break down because couples feel unsupported , not just inside the mediation process but, outside as well, as they seek to manage their communications, emotions and practical problems.

So, I ask myself, as I read so many negative statistics about MIAMs and how ineffective they and the mediation process are;

• What are we telling our clients ?,
• How are we helping our clients to fully understand the mediation process(and other process options)?,
• How well are we preparing and supporting our clients to work together to reach their own decisions rather than seeking to take this away from them?,
• How well are we working together as family professionals in supporting separating couples to communicate, co-operate and collaborate to reach their own decisions?.

Personally, from what I see around me, the family professional community are not doing too well. Why do I say this? Just look at how many people are still going to court about their children and finances. The figures speak for themselves.

In my view, given that the MIAM is the hand that we have all been dealt, the two main keys to meeting the challenges and the key to a successful mediation process (which puts the clients at the centre of the decision making process) are;

• a thorough and carefully managed MIAM to assess, analyse, screen and properly prepare people to be able to maximise the benefit and opportunity mediation offers them to reach their own decisions, avoid court and save £1000’s, coupled with,
• an effective inter-disciplinary family mediation approach, with a skilled mediator at the centre, working together in a ‘joined up way’ with other family professionals such as solicitors, coaches and financial experts, to support the separated couple to achieve the most important things to them, before, during and after mediation has finished.

All of us; family lawyers, financial experts, ’emotional experts’ and mediators, need to be open to learning from each other about our different roles and how we can work together, challenging our own professional perceptions (‘out of box thinking’), challenging the cultural norms, pushing boundaries, and resisting the temptation to compete for the same space. No one has to fail for all of us to succeed !

Then and only then will we all be in the best position to work together effectively and efficiently to properly support our separating clients and their families and stop using negative statistics for our own ends. This is what they deserve.