Stress triggers can seriously undermine the success of mediation and any ongoing relationship.
Next time your former partner or spouse’s behaviour causes your blood to boil and you can feel yourself quickly losing control do these 7 things;
- Take control: you can control your reactions, remember that, but it takes intentional thinking and action.
- Breath: big, deep breaths that put more oxygen in your system, gives you time and relaxes you enough to stop the initial trigger reaction.
- Listen and Acknowledge: Focus really hard on what emotions you are hearing and acknowledge these. Ask what you can do to help .
- Ask questions: ask them to work with you so that you can help each other through this.
- Avoid simply reacting: Don’t get caught up in reaction and counter reaction. Remember that you are in mediation to focus on making progress with your issues..
- Breath and break: If you need to have a short break use this time to focus on positive energy and keeping everything in perspective.
- Take time to learn why that person bugs you so much.
Number 7 is the long term winner . Good continual co-parenting relationship for example requires each of us to ask the question:
‘what is it about this person that really pushes my buttons?’
For a good shared parenting relationship each parent needs to look at their part in the relationship.
Let’s face it. Some people who you see as toxic will be seen as positive and helpful by others. Bill may make your blood boil by saying they need your help while Bob can ask for the same advice and you will gladly offer it.
Self awareness is the key.