Returning to the burglary.
“How dare they,… how dare they enter my home, steal my things. Who do they think they are, these people”….but of course these people don’t think!
The reality is that the people who burgled your house most likely have a low self-esteem, they don’t like themselves very much, and the burglary just re-inforces their dislike of themselves. They have low standards for themselves and achieve them.
Anger often disguises or overlays a fear. The burglers may have left you feeling anxious, vulnerable and concerned about the future security of your home just as a separation and divorce can leave a person feeling anxious, vulnerable and uncertain about whether they are going to be able to hold on to their home or will have to sell it.
This is normally a time when we seek out the support of our family and friends and look for the right type of professional support.
In a separate blog I talk about the right type of early professional support and the reason why so many people seek out a family lawyer to support them through separation when, at this early stage, what they are more likely to need is someone who is trained to diffuse conflict, reassure, support and facilitate a positive mutual problem solving approach.
What I would say about anger is that it is a very normal response to these events. The challenge is not to suppress but to simply identify that you are feeling angry, express it in a managed way and let it pass, because it will, if you let it.
The more you understand what has happened, why it has happened, why you feel angry and that it is quite normal to feel this way, the easier it will be to manage and the quicker it will pass.
Anger is not a one-off event but returns in often unexpected waves of anger. But, the waves gradually reduce over time, often leaving you stronger and wiser, as you move forward.
Anger is the beginning of acceptance but there is another stage you must go through however short.
It is often worth remembering that your progress through the loss cycle is not linear.
There is a continuum which involves moving backwards and forwards between shock, anger, depression as you progress through this journey.