Are you doing the same things over and over BUT expecting things to improve?

People often want to tell me, in mediation assessments, how unreasonable their former partner has been, their ‘blame’ narrative.

So, unreasonable, in fact, that their former partner simply will not agree with anything the person is asking them for, eventhough it is ‘such a reasonable request’.

For these reasons, they often conclude that mediation will not work! But, isn’t this counter intuitive?

This, of course, fails to recognise that it is often not what is being asked for, but how it is being asked for and by whom, that is the core problem.

The person often follows up my mediation assessment meeting by copying me into an email or text exchange with their partner, in an attempt to show me just how unreasonable their partner is and, to justify what they have been telling me about them.

What they of course fail to grasp is that my thought is likely to be;

I can see how dysfunctional and difficult communication has become between you and why you cannot communicate but, this is why I need you both in mediation where I can begin to work with you and help you both change some of these negative patterns of communication SO THAT YOU CAN BEGIN TO make decisions together about things that are important to you both and about which you both may have very different views and perspectives.

In essence, all the person is doing is to demonstrate further that their own continuing attempts to communicate are failing or, in other words, the DIY approach is not working.

I think to myself; Is doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results, really such a good plan?