The first and most immediate stage of loss is the sense of shock, almost disbelief at receiving the news. Is this really happening? This immediate sense of loss can often feel overwhelming.

But, of course it is all really happening. The shock is often quickly followed by a sense of anger and need to confront what has happened head on.

The feelings at this stage can feel very intense and leave you feeling ‘out of control’ of your emotions.

Let’s consider the burglary.

As the full extent of the damage and loss from the burglary is realized, the real anger kicks in; “Those little shits…. How dare they come into my house..”

This is often followed by blame and, in some cases, a degree of self- blame; “if only I had listened to….. if only I had done this or that…. This may not have happened”

All these intense emotions are exhausting, often followed in quick succession by what I describe as a “downer”, a feeling of emotional exhaustion which, if it continues, becomes a depressive state of mind which is hard to shake.

This is the beginning of the acceptance stage as one begins to come to terms with what has happens.

But beware, depression is powerful, it is backward looking, it is selfish, it is a negative state of mind which needs constantly fuelling with negative thoughts and feelings to continue to survive. It can quickly take hold and become a ‘downwards spiral’.

I cover depression in a little more detail in a following blog.

The key is to understand that all these feelings are quite normal and are going to occur whether you like it or not. You are then better equipped to tackle them head on.

It may be worth reminding yourself that it could have been worse, retain your sense of perspective. However, beware, this can also backfire.

We all know how irritating it can be if a well-meaning friend advises us to keep things in perspective when we are still very angry. This is probably best left a while until things have settled down.