Lessons

I suppose that whether you are going through a separation or you have just been burgled (for the second time) there are positive lessons to be learned. Sometimes we have to look quit hard for them but they are there for the finding.

1.Don’t try to suppress the emotions of loss– They need to be processed and worked through.

2.Try and keep these events in perspective– Not everyone behaves like this. Anyway, “there is no future in the past” (sorry, another cliché) focus on new future possibilities and positive opportunities. In this way, you will attract positive opportunities (and people) to you.

3.Understand the futility of the desire to punish and blame. These are negative backward looking emotions which can quickly turn into grudges and resentment holding you back and shaping your approach and attitude to life.

I recently heard that the men who stole my car are in prison. How did that make me feel? Well, to be honest, on the one hand, I thought that they are in the right place if they are going to learn something positive and constructive from the experience rather than new burglary skills. Punishment was not uppermost in my mind.

On the other hand, the more cynical part of me doubted that they are going to change and will soon be out looking for the next victim.

I questioned whether my trusting nature had been dented. Dents can of course be straightened although the metal is never as strong again. My recognize that my attitude had been been irreversibly weakened in a small way but I either allow this to shape my approach to life, becoming more cynical or I put this to the back of my mind, retaining an increased sense of caution but balanced with the knowledge that most people can be trusted (retaining a sense of perspective).

I recognize that if all this leaves my friend feeling less trusting and more cynical after the burglary, the burglars have stolen more than her “beloved fathers watch”, they have stolen (rather than simply dented), her faith in humanity.

Equally, when going through a divorce and separation, the key is to use the opportunity to learn about oneself and grow through the struggle, making you a more attractive proposition for a positive life.