The challenge

It can sometimes be very challenging to persuade and influence a person to meet me, the mediator, to find out about family mediation, even when that meeting may be free !

This is especially true when the person interested in mediation has asked me to contact their former partner (‘other partner’) to see if they want to mediate. Why is this?

Below, I list just a few of the many reasons and barriers I come across when calling the ‘other partner’.

• They did not ask me to call and have no idea that I was going to call.
• The timing may be bad
• The fact is that I may have already spoken to their former partner whom they do not trust.
• They believe that their partner may have already lied to me about them.
• They don’t understand my role or appreciate that I do not judge
• They misunderstand what mediation is and find it difficult to listen to my explanation.
• They wonder what the point of mediation is if it is not binding and they need something binding to make their former partner accountable
• They do not want to pay for a meeting with me which they didn’t want in the first place
• They do not trust their former partner, as far as they can throw them.
• Communication with their former partner broke down months ago and they cannot see how I can help.
• They are overcome with anger and the need to punish their partner.
• They don’t want to be anywhere near their former partner.
• They want someone to support them and tell them how bad the former partner is and has been.
• They have already instructed a solicitor who has spent quite a bit of time with them and who has their trust so they cannot see the point of mediation.
• They have already seen a solicitor who has told them that mediation is not suitable or has told them that they can sort things out for them.
• They want to speak to their solicitor first before meeting with me.
• They just believe that there is no chance of reaching an agreement with their former partner in mediation so what is the point of meeting me.

And so on,

These are just some of barriers I come across and  deal with, ensuring that over 80% of people I speak to want to come to a MIAM with me. I estimate that well over half of these people go on to successfully mediate.

So, we mediators need to understand our clients better BUT separating couples also need to give mediation a chance and find out about it from a mediator in a mediation information and assessment meeting, MIAM.