One of the main challenge facing professionals engaged in mediation and conflict resolution practice is to ‘ recruit’ all the parties into the process from the start. This has to be handled with care.

It is nearly always one person who wants it more than the other or others, so my main and almost complete focus, when I receive my first enquiry, is to ensure that everyone is ‘aligned’.

When I say aligned i mean, ‘ willing to give mediation a go and open minded about what could be achieved’ from the start. How do I do this?

I spend relatively little time initially with the first person who calls, on the basis that it is they who want to mediate although, if it is a family mediation I will sort out a date to see them for a MIAM.

Rather, during that first call, I concentrate with them on what i will need to focus on when i ring their former partner or the ‘other party’ to ensure that any initial barriers are dealt with sufficient to get them into a 1on1 intake meeting with me where i will be able to cover a wide range of matters, building trust and understanding as i go.

I focus myself and each person on the purpose of each stage. It is too easy, at this early stage to talk the person into and out of mediation by trying to cover too much on the telephone.

My purpose is to see everyone separately before mediation starts (see my video blog on first meetings)

It always makes me a little despondent and frustrated if someone is not willing to sit down with me to discuss on a 1on1 confidential basis the issues facing them so that i can begin to understand the underlying issues and so that we can decide whether mediation is right for them both.

If they say ‘no’ to sitting down with me, it is often because they have already taken a view about whether mediation is likely to be successful based on their knowledge and perception of mediation and the level of trust and communication.

My despondency and frustration stems from knowing, having also practiced as a family solicitor for many years, what faces them and, most importantly their children, if they end up in court which, if statistics are any to go by, is a real possibility.

Imagine if you could avoid years and years of continuing struggle and conflict if you are able to reach your own mediated agreements.

Isn’t it worth sitting down with a mediator to find out more, first hand. What is there to lose?

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