I’m so glad you opened the Post.
It comes from a good friend, professional colleague and all round wonderful person, Una Archer who writes regularly and compassionately in support of parents and their children, which is particularly relevant to my clients who I support in mediation through divorce.
Have a look at her website Help Your Children Thrive and regular workshops.
Post from Una:
What I want to share with you today might feel new or surprising, and it can also bring a sense of relief.
So much of how we experience the world is shaped by neurotypical expectations.
We absorb ideas about what a successful life looks like, what we need to do to be good parents and about the milestones our children should be reaching as they grow up.
These messages are all around us. It’s almost as if we inhale with the air we breathe.
So what is it like for a neurodivergent girl to grow up surrounded by all this?
When she’s expected to meet standards that don’t match how her brain works, she learns to work incredibly hard to look like she’s managing.
She pushes herself.
She struggles to keep up.
And all the while, no one is realising just how much it is costing her.
Most of the time, masking is not something she knowingly chooses. She doesn’t have a clue that it is not what everyone else does.
It is driven by her need to belong, and she figures out what it takes through trial and error.
She doesn’t want to stand out or disappoint people around her.
And the cost is high: many neurodivergent girls carry exhaustion, anxiety, overwhelm and a constant fear of getting things wrong.
All because the world’s expectations weren’t built for them.
If we want our neurodivergent daughters to feel safe to be themselves and thrive, we must find a way to take off the glasses of neurotypical expectations and learn to see our daughters as they are.
That helps create safety: to be tired, to rest, to discover who she is, and to unmask.
When she feels safe with you, she doesn’t need to perform, and instead, she can connect with what works for her.
That’s how her real confidence grows.
Becoming a more attuned parent means stopping going after the “perfect coping” and shifting the focus to nurturing connection.
It’s about moving from asking “What should she be doing?” to “What does she need to feel safe?”
When she no longer has to hide or hold it together to fit in, you begin to see the real her, and that’s worth more than all A+ grades in the world.
We’ll explore how we can embrace this shift at the workshop “Anxiety, Exhaustion and Masking: Supporting Neurodivergent Girls”.
If you’d like to join, mark your calendar for 12:00 p.m. on Tuesday, January 27. I’ll share the registration details nearer the time. If you don’t want to wait until then, fill in my Getting to Know You form here, and let’s start a conversation sooner.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Warmly,
Una