I write this in response to
(5) CRITICAL REFLECTION: High Conflict Personalities | LinkedIn
Samantha Hardy, Thanks again Samantha for an excellent article. Here are some of my quick thoughts as I read your article this morning, from a mediator (and divorce coach perspective)
As you say, there may of course be many many reasons why two people find themselves locked in and presenting so called ‘high conflict’ behavioural patterns.
For mediation, in my view, the key is not to try to diagnose (and risk pathologizing them) the behaviours but simply to open up a sensitive pragmatic discussion with each person separately (if possible) about what support each person in the relationship may need for themselves and from each other to maximise the chances of mediation succeeding, when the time comes, which may include strategies and skills to support and empower each of them (sense of self) for the demands of mediation (intrapersonal), to support them to manage the interactions (We/Us interactions) and problem solving process (Interpersonal). Again, as we all know, support takes many different forms:
· Support could be from the mediator, a coach, therapist etc with a range of therapeutic, coaching and mediation strategies
· Support could be from the type of mediation process set up ie supported shuttle with minimum contact and supported by others in the process
· Support could be from resources provided and discussed
· Support could be from other organisational support and support programmes
· Support could come from family and friends, community and so.
In my view, it is important to help those thinking about mediation to understand in some depth what the process will require of each and both of them (raise awareness and understanding of the process requirements regarding commitment, capacity and competencies) and discuss whether they are really motivated and feel capable of meeting meeting the primary objective and demands of working together in (some kind of mediation/self determinative process) to resolve things together, what support they may each need, given their unique view and experience of each other, the problem, the world etc and what support they believe they will need to give mediation the best chance of succeeding.
It is a challenging process and not one to be taken on lightly and certainly not without a really well thought out, comprehensive and collaborative support strategy arising from the pre mediation analysis, assessment, preparation and support meetings M-APS.