Preparing to communicate in mediation- Introduction Video 1

Being in mediation can feel like an ‘emotional toboggan run’. Once you push off, you quickly realise how well prepared you are,   or not !

Hi, I am John Hind, mediator, trainer and conflict management coach.

This article and video series is all about helping you to prepare yourself, for that moment, you come into mediation.

When I talk about preparing yourself, I am talking about preparing yourself to communicate with others, in mediation, at a level and quality which will enable you to reach decisions and construct agreements, together.

More specifically, I am talking about the need to be able to communicate, at a sufficiently empathic level, ensuring that everyone feels heard and understood, ‘opening up a space’ and connecting in a way that enables you to resolve any conflict and solve problems, together, in mediation, when it may be the last thing you actually feel like doing.

In this series, I will provide you with a working framework, divided into 5 stages, each with its own video and practice resources, housed on this webpage.

Article/Video 2- Context/Mindset

In the second article and video, before I launch into the 5 stage framework, I write and talk about some major emotional challenges and conflict narratives you may encounter, before and during mediation, on the basis that being forewarned is being forearmed.

This will provide some context and focus, as you read and/or watch the following 6 articles and videos accompanying these articles.

Article/Video 3 – Intent

In this video, I talk about the importance and need for you to be very clear about your intent, when you come into mediation, and for this to be aligned with your ‘core values’, the ‘fuel’ driving your behaviour.

Your statement of intent will be your compass, helping to keep you focused, as you navigate the mediation journey, to resolution.

I will help you create one that works for you.

Article/Video 4- Understanding and connecting with yourself

In this video, I focus on helping you clarify for YOURSELF and to ‘connect with’ any ‘unmet needs’ which may be motivating YOU and influencing your behaviour, thereby ‘opening you up’ to an increasing willingness and ability to connect with and understand what might be motivating and influencing the other person’s behaviour, in mediation.

I will help you to ask yourselves a series of questions which get to the root of all this.

Article/Video 5 – Understanding and connecting with the other(s)

Having helped you understand and connect with what is motivating you and the others, I move on to offer you some skills to help you communicate and ‘connect with’ the other person(s) and uncover what might be motivating/driving them to behave in a way which you are finding difficult.

At this stage, I also offer some strategies for managing self- restraint because, undoubtedly, there will be times when your calm, rational self will be tested.

Article/Video 6- Sticks and Stones

In this article and video you will begin to learn how to challenge your thinking and beliefs about yourself and others, by reframing your thoughts in order to manage anger and defensive behaviour when feeling threatened and challenged by what you are seeing, hearing and sensing.

Article/Videos 7/8/9- Practice

Once you have thought about, understand and feel connected with why the other person and you may be behaving in the way you have been towards each other, often locked in a cycle of conflict,   you will be ready to think about and be prepared for how you are going to approach mediation, the conversation you may need to have with the other person, or people, about what you may be needing from each other, in order to resolve conflict and solve problems together.

Article/Video 10- Requests not Demands

Because this is such an important area, I have dedicated a separate article and video to the influential importance of the difference between requests and demands, offering you some tips and techniques about how to frame your requests in a way that reduces the likelihood that they might be perceived as demands.

Article/Video 11 -Just before you go into mediation

In the final article and video of the series, I will give you some strategies to help you stay on track, remembering the emotional toboggan run I referred to at the start of this article/ video.    What is going to keep your mind clear and focused when your journey gets a bit rough?

You will find a list of ‘grounding techniques’ on this webpage to help with your emotional state and self-regulation. You may find one or two that work for you to keep you calm, centre, and alert when the time comes. Try them out !

When you have finished this series of articles and videos, my hope for you is that you will feel much better prepared for what lies ahead and better able to engage in a problem solving, solution focused dialogue around what really matters to you and the others involved.

If you feel that you would benefit from working with a trained conflict management coach at any stage, please contact us. This can certainly help when it comes to the practice section.

Finally, as you will see from our website, if you prefer to, you can read the video scripts rather than watch me, by downloading the pdf. I won’t be offended.  Some people prefer to read, some prefer to watch and some, I have found, simply prefer to listen.

Good luck and onto the next video of the series.

John