Communication Tips in Mediation

This blog discusses four different ways in which people communicate, as described in “Law of Connection” by Michael Losier, and why it is important, for the purposes of Mediation, to understand the different types of communicators.

Type 1: Visual Communicators

Visual Style People:

• See things as pictures
• Learn quickly
• Get bored easily
• Value time, so they like things to start and end punctually
• Prefer getting the “big picture” rather than the details

Visual communicators tend to use words and phrases such as:

• See
• Clear
• Look
• Illustrate
• Visualize

To build rapport with a visual communicator, it is best that meetings and sessions are kept short.

Mediation Information Assessment Meetings (MIAMs) tend to last for around an hour and joint sessions for 90 minutes.

Start and end times should also be honoured as they tend to value their time. If changes, postponements or rescheduling in regards to plans are unavoidable, it is advisable to give plenty of notice. Mediators should get to the point quickly when conversing and visual communicators like order and structure so a visual and clear Mediation agenda can also help build rapport.

Visual communicators do not tend to do well with long stories with too many details, so adjustments should be made in regards to speaking times and pace. Meetings should preferably be short and if long meetings cannot be avoided, it is best to schedule breaks. Visual communicators also don’t like being asked for detailed information, so questions should focus on the big picture.

Type 2: Auditory Communicators

Auditory Style People:

• Remember what they hear – word for word
• Learn by listening and often don’t take notes
• Are good story tellers

Auditory communicators tend to use words and phrases such as:

• Tell me more
• So good to talk to you
• Resonate
• Discuss
• Say
• Repeat
• Listen

To build rapport with an auditory communicator, it helps to listen closely and make them feel like they are being listened to. Things should be repeated back to them and auditory confirmations should be offered such as, “I hear what you are saying”. It also helps when these affirmations are sought from the other party by asking them questions such as, “Do you hear what they are saying?”

Being diplomatic can be challenging to them and mediators should be prepared to reframe what they say accordingly. Doing something else while they are speaking to you can make them feel unheard. Keep the interruptions and background noises to a minimum and avoid rushing them when they are speaking. 

Type 3: Kinesthetic Communicators 

Kinesthetic Style People:

• Often speak slowly
• Need time to “feel their way” through new information
• May say that they “feel” something is either right or wrong when asked to make a decision
• Have a tendency to take time to “settle into” a new environment or situation

Kinesthetic communicators tend to use words and phrases such as:

• Feel
• Connect
• Let’s touch upon this
• I’m getting a grasp of this
• This fits
• I get the point
• Walk me through this
• That sits well with me

Mediators should be aware of the environment when meeting with kinesthetic communicators. Ensure that the environment is comfortable and to build rapport, ask them how they can be made more comfortable. Questions should be phrased along the lines of the following: “Does this feel right to you?” “Can you make the connection?” and “Are you comfortable with this?”

Kinesthetic communicators tend to find it challenging to make decisions quickly. Plenty of time should be given to consider offers and concessions in the mediation. They tend to provide more details than most people need or want. In order to build rapport, be patient and receive the details attentively. 

Type 4: Digital Communicators

Digital Style People:

• Process information in a methodical, rational and logical way
• Are very detail oriented
• Have a strong need to make sense of the world around them
• Need time to process new information

Digital Communicators tend to use words and phrases such as:

• Consider
• Logical
• Think
• Decide
• Make sense
• I know what you mean

To build rapport with a digital communicator, it helps if the mediation agenda is provided and is detailed. Encourage them to use logic and provide facts when they speak and questions should phrased in a manner similar to the following: “Have you considered…” “Does this make sense to you?” “What do you think about this?”

Plenty of time should be allowed for them to think, so allow plenty of time for preparation for the Mediation and do not present too much information at one time during the Mediation. Also, they tend to not volunteer information freely and need to be asked specifically. Mediators should prepare a set of detailed questions in order to obtain information from digital communicators.

Conclusion 

It can be advantageous for Mediation if a mediator can recognize which type of communicators their clients are. The mediator can then adjust their style, strategy and tactics accordingly. Through understanding these communication types, mediators can also become more aware of their own communication strengths and weaknesses and learn to use that understanding to offer a more effective service.

A further discussion on the matter can be found in Part 3 of “Law of Connection” by Michael Losier.

This article was written by Harith Akma, who is currently studying the Bar Professional Training Course (BPTC) at City University London. He is an intern for Compass Resolution, supervised by Austin Chessell. Austin Chessell is an Accredited Family, Child Mediator and Supervisor (PPC). Austin can be contacted by email Austin.c@compass-resolution.co.uk or phone 07920 445832.