We know how easy it can be to lose sight of what is important when you and your former partner are embroiled in the emotions of a separation.

The pattern of communication can quickly become one of attack and defend, especially if you feel that your parenting skills and/or parental status are under attack.

However, what is important in all this is of course your children’s emotional, physical and psychological welfare. Remaining focused on this is of paramount importance and provides you and your former partner with some positive common ground to focus and work on. What can be more important !

So, when you are embroiled in argument, looking to pass off responsibility for what is happening and blame others for the current situation, please work to focus on what your children need from you and your former partner.

It may help you and the other parent to ask yourselves these 5 questions

1.   Is your child showing signs of feeling insecure? Research what these might be for a child of his/her age? There is plenty of evidence about this on the internet.

2.  What can YOU do to make your child(ren) feel more secure? The same question of course applies to your former partner.

3. What would YOU like your former partner to do to make your child(ren) feel more secure. Unsurprisingly, this list is often a great deal longer than the list to question 2!

4. What do you think THEY would like YOU to do to make X feel more secure (that might involve a more difficult thought process because it involves some reflective thinking under difficult circumstances. I am not saying necessarily that you have to agree with them, just be aware of what they say they need from you and be open to change. It will at least show that you have understood them)

5. What can you and your former partner do TOGETHER to make X feel more secure? ( the obvious one is, communicate better and avoid arguments in front of your children and ensure that they feel that they have your loving permission to have a great relationship with the other parents !)

Family mediation will provide you and your former partner with the space and time to explore these questions in an open, honest way, in a confidential environment, focusing on how you are both going to ensure that your child(ren) get through their parent’s separation and grow up to be healthy, well adjusted human beings.

Good luck