8. Ask for more time to collect information and/or consider information and proposals if you need it.
It is more important that you understand any information and the implications of any proposals before you finalise them.
Take time with the mediator, your former partner and any other professionals you are working with to carefully consider the implications of your preferred options from each person’s perspective.
9 Check your assumptions.
If the other person puts forward a view or proposal which you disagree with it is worth first considering what might be motivating it and what was intended by it. Ask questions to clarify things you are not sure about until you sense that you have really understood their views. Then, you can decide how to respond and which parts you agree or disagree with. If you do this, it is more likely that the other person will do the same and that the mediator will do their best to ensure that your views are understood by the other person.
10 Try to remain calm, if possible.
Try to remain calm and curious. We recognise that this maybe a big ask in mediation but if it is possible it is likely to put you in a better frame of mind to contribute in a positive way to the mediation. Feelings of pain, anger, loss, fear… are not unusual at all in mediation and some are very intense. Consider whether you need more time before you are able to work together constructively in mediation.
For example, it might be necessary for you both to be in different rooms to enable you to manage these emotions and it may be possible to agree a timetable that gives you time to come to terms with what has happened and work on some coping strategies for the feelings you are experiencing. You may be able to agree some shorter term child arrangements and a temporary financial solution for example that enables you both to separate before coming back a few months later to tackle the bigger financial issues about how to separate all the finances when you feel more ready and able to do so.
Good luck