4     Having decided to give it a go, fully commit to making it work.

Having found out as much as you can about mediation, spoken to the mediator and decided to give it a go, it is really worth fully committing to the process.

Go into the process with an open mind determined to take a constructive and sensible approach. Work with the mediator and your former partner to explore any ideas you may both have for resolving your differences and look for joint solutions. The mediator will endeavour to keep you both firmly focussed on solutions for the future in respect of your children and finances.

5.     Stay focussed between mediation sessions.

Towards the end of each mediation session it is quite normal to be asked to collect documentation, find out information and work with other professionals who may be supporting you such as pension advisers, solicitors, accountants, child experts, counsellors and therapists. A successful mediation outcome is as much about staying future focussed and engaged in progressing matters between mediation sessions with whomever you are working with or whatever you are working on, as during the mediation sessions.

6.     Consider you, your former partner, the mediator and any other     professionals engaged in mediation as a ‘team’ with one purpose in mind, to help you both reach a successful outcome in mediation.

This ‘team solution’ mindset may help you both to remain solution focussed and more willing to explore options for settlement which might not necessarily represent your ideal outcome or the one you started with and to do so with an open mind and without feeling threatened. Remember, the process is confidential and you are not bound by things discussed in mediation until you both want to be. Until then, perhaps consider the adversary not as your former partner but ‘the challenge of trying to reach a settlement which suits you both’. From our experience the final mediation outcomes are rarely the ones people start out with before all the necessary information is collected, discussed and carefully considered.

7.     Be ready and willing to explain the reasons for your views and opinions in an open, honest and transparent way.

Be ready to do this as well as listen to and understand any opposing views and opinions. You are not going to be forced to agree with them but you may both discover that in some areas you are not as far apart as you think. In other areas, you may simply agree to disagree. This does not mean that a successful outcome is impossible.

To be continued..