Recent media coverage of two large-scale pieces of research show that children and young people are showing signs of new levels of despair and depression; http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-25653389.

Amongst the reasons given were poverty and family breakdown, pressure from school and parents to achieve high grades and social media, including cyber bullying,

Children and young people are growing up in a complex society with many new pressures unknown to the previous generations.

When the family unit breaks down, children and parents have to negotiate unfamiliar territory, with parents inevitably concerned for their children’s future and wellbeing.

However research has shown that it is not family break down that causes long term suffering for children and young people, but rather the levels of conflict that accompany it, particularly on-going conflict.

Mediation can help support separating parents in setting up arrangements that encourage positive relationships with both parents and offer strategies for communication.

Here are a few basic do’s and don’ts:

Try and be clear about the practical arrangements. They should allow for regular time spent with each parent, ideally not too long between visits to the non resident parent, but also not too much coming and going if parents are sharing the care.

·      Agree on rules and boundaries over the really important issues. Everyone has their own parenting styles, but children will feel safe if some basic rules are agreed i.e. bedtimes, completing homework, eating well, not allowing violent or abusive behaviour.

·      Don’t fight in front of the children, especially to be avoided at hand-over times. This can be very harmful and children find it frightening. If you need to discuss (or argue about) difficult issues, find a time when the children are not there or find a relative or friend to look after them.

·      Don’t demonize the other parent. If children are constantly hearing negative comments about one or other parent, it can lead to poor self worth and low self-esteem.

If you can keep to these, you will help your children manage that much better. What children need most from their parents is to know that they are loved and that they have ‘loving permission’ from each parent to spend and even enjoy the time they spend.