– Say what you mean and mean what you say-

Expressing your thoughts and emotions, articulating what you are concerned about and what is important to you, are all essential if you want to make progress in mediation, as you and your former partner work through problems and differences, solving and resolving as you go.

They are the foundation upon which robust post separation financial agreements and children arrangements are built.

During this process of exploring concerns and matters of importance, trust and openness is essential, however tough and uncomfortable it might be to hear some things.

It is human nature to value honesty. We then know what we are dealing with. It enables us to clarify what we are feeling, why we are feeling it, what we can do about it and how to go about it. It enables us to seek the right support for ourselves and, support others in a focussed and positive way.

Hearing some things from the person we once loved can be very uncomfortable and sometimes very painful but if we believe that they are being honest about their views and feelings, we can begin to understand them and come to terms with what we are being told.

Truth and honesty are the bedrocks of forgiveness and reconciliation. This may be forgiveness of ourselves, where we are experiencing guilt for example or, forgiveness of another where trust may have been broken.

The beauty of mediation is that through hours of experience and practice, the mediator becomes skilled at helping people work together through these kinds of situations and make progress where progress may have felt impossible beforehand.

It is not surprising that in order for the mediator to help and support two or more people in conflict, the starting point is the clarification of matters of importance and concerns to each of them because unless these can be expressed, understood, addressed, acknowledged and ultimately worked through to practical resolution, a ‘good outcome’ is unlikely.