First, I have to declare a bias, based on experience of course. I have mediated disputes for over 15 years as well as represented clients in court for over 20 years but now mediate full time. I am biased towards mediation because I want couples to be given the best opportunity of sorting out their own financial and children arrangements themselves with the minimum of professional help, court intervention and costs. I believe that this is in most couples’ interests.

I also estimate that over 70% of the clients I have seen over the years are able to sort out their own agreements in mediation, whether or not they choose to do so, with the right level of support, at the right time, at significantly less than I used to charge as a family solicitor. That is why I and our mediators now charge clients the amount we do and in the way we do. It is important that couples do not feel ‘locked into’ any particular process and know exactly what they are paying for.

I have found that one of the greatest challenges to couples choosing mediation and going on to successfully reach their own agreements for themselves and their children, is an initial lack of awareness and understanding of what is involved, how mediation works and whether they are able and capable of mediating. Although this is being partially addressed by various promotional campaigns by Government and other interested organisations there is still much work to be done.

As a family solicitor and mediator, I found that over 90% of my first meetings with clients were spent, quite rightly addressing their concerns and anxieties at a time when most people feel extremely vulnerable. In terms of mediation I often hear; “it has gone too far for that” by which they often mean that communication and trust has broken down.

We are also faced in this country with a deep rooted culture of seeking help from a family solicitor as a first step when a marriage and relationship is breaking or has broken down. This is quite understandable because a solicitor is able to provide that one on one reassurance so often needed at this stage.

However, what I have found in so many of my own cases and first meeting over the years is that although anxious, concerned and feeling vulnerable, clients also acknowledge the wish to resolve as many things themselves and ask for help and support to be able to do so. Despite the anxieties, pain and anger that so often accompanies a separation, I have found that people are also pragmatic, resourceful and able to manage their emotions if only to separate in a dignified and constructive way for themselves and their children.

Recognising that we family professionals need to address as many of the barriers into mediation as possible for those considering it, what I say to my clients is that £200 plus vat will pay for a one hour meeting with me during which I will prepare them and they will prepare me to help them in whatever process they choose. Importantly, it will also pay for a 1.5 hour mediation session at the end of which the couple will know whether this process will work for them both and will be fully prepared to go on if they both choose to.

If couples go beyond this stage, I have found that there is a 70-80% chance that they will go on to reach their own financial and children agreements in mediation and all for £240. There is truly much to gain and not much to lose. If it does not work at least couples can say that they gave it their best efforts.