Recently, I was a naughty boy managing to clock up a staggering 38mph in a 30 mph and had to attend a driver’s awareness course. This cost me 4 hours of evening time and £85.
“It was only 38mph!” Could this course really be value for money and time, I asked myself?
To be honest, I felt slightly resentful at being compelled to attend this course although this feeling quickly evaporated as I began to listen and take part.
We were given many statistics, most of which went in one ear and out of the other but some did stick. For example, we were told that statistically of those who attended this course only 4% reoffend within the following 4 years. This was music to my ears because I was not in a rush to be back here. However, I did begin to reflect on why this was the case.
As I learned more about what makes for a successful driver, the similarities between driving, the driver awareness course, mediation and the mediation awareness meetings (MIAMs) were plain for me to see.
Like those taking part in mediation, successful drivers are aware of others around them as well themselves, their own driving and the general driving conditions, which is what I will call ‘three dimensional awareness’. We were told that the key to good driving is; Concentration, Observation, Anticipation, Space and Time- COAST.
Isn’t it the case that we so often look but do not see and listen but do not hear, especially when under pressure. These are not only obstacles to driving but often barriers to reaching agreement in mediation especially when one has to experience the discomfort of having to listen to an opposing view or perception.
We were recommended to remain mindful of our own driving, other road users (particularly vulnerable ones like cyclists and children), our surroundings and above all, the potential impact or consequence of our actions and behaviour ie bad driving
We were told that the additional stopping distance required at 32 mph in a 30 mph zone, could quite easily mean the difference between killing or seriously maiming a child crossing the road. I had been going 38 mph in a 30 mph zone! Didn’t I now feel embarrassed! I was beginning to see things from a different perspective but would this change my future behaviour?
I began to consider those incredibly powerful, perception changing words; “ what if..”.
What if a child had run out in front of me? Could I have lived with the consequences? Sorry, to get heavy on you but a number of other questions occurred to me at this stage ;
Was it right to compel me to attend this course? Yes, but should this also apply to mediation? My own view is that, it is right to compel those who intend to fight their case in court to first attend a mediation awareness course (mediation information and assessment course or MIAM for short). This is a view shared by Government who intend to make this compulsory from 1st April 2014
Why do I believe this?
The decision not to use mediation to reach private children and financial agreements could have a long lasting and sometimes, permanent effect on those children who are subsequently caught up in the road crash that are court proceedings and unresolved conflict. There is plenty of research over many years to prove this, if we want to know the truth.
I believe that everyone going through separation should make themselves fully aware of mediation, what is involved and the benefits for themselves and their families. Most of those of those I talk to at the early stages about mediation have concerns and barriers to overcome which are very real to them but many are based on assumptions they make and perceptions they have which are often far from reality.
Indeed, over the last 15 years as a lawyer and mediator, I have experienced hundreds of couples change their perspectives for the better as a result of choosing mediation and go on to successfully agree matters for themselves with the minimum of professional help and intervention. I should also add, at minimum monetary expenditure. Perhaps, even more importantly, as a result of mediation they were able to go on and have a good and productive parental relationship.
At the beginning of driver awareness course I was asked to consider what kind of driver I was and how I would behave if I was being “tale gated” along the motorway. Would I move over to let the dangerous driver past or would I tap my breaks out of frustration. Was I an escalator of conflict or a diffuser by temperament? We were asked this question again at the end of the course. You all of course want to know whether my answer was different, or maybe you don’t, anyway, I am going to tell you.
Yes, it was very different! The driver awareness course managed to increase my awareness and not only that. By doing so, it also managed to change my perception and behaviour. No mean feat! Incidentally, every one of the 36 people attending the course agreed that they would now drive more carefully and keep to the speed limit. How long for is, of course another matter.
So, it was good value for money after all.
If this is what a driver awareness course can do, what could a good mediation awareness meeting (MIAM) achieve? How many more separating couples would stay out of court and come into mediation, if they truly understood and appreciated the impact that court proceedings and unresolved conflict might have on them, their families and in particular, their children’s lives in the short and long term?
Worth pondering, isn’t it?
John E Hind LLB (Hons) is the Director of Compass Resolution, a family mediation network primarily covering Devon and the South West. He experienced conflict first hand as a British Army Officer in the 80’s before training in law and becoming a family lawyer in the early 90’s. He has been a family mediator for 15 years and now specialises exclusively as a mediator, family consultant, skills trainer and mediation coach. He is accredited by the Family Mediation Council, Resolution, the Legal Aid Agency, the Civil Mediation Panel and is a member of the Law Society Family Law Panel.
www.compass-resolution.com