Making arrangements for children following separation can be challenging for all sorts of reason. Lines of communication can break down, with parents often reduced to using text and email or using the children as a go between. Tensions can run high with both parents feeling controlled by each other. The parent with whom the children live most of the time can often feel that they do all the hard work, dealing with the practicalities, routines, and illnesses, while the non-resident parent sometimes feels out of touch with their children and powerless when it comes to making decisions concerning them.

More often than not it helps for the child arrangements to be structured so that both the parents and children can establish a routine around which they can also be flexible enough to adapt to the inevitable changes that are part of their lives. Illness, holidays, changes in working patterns are just a few of the situations that may need to be dealt with. In mediation we can help to keep children at the centre of those arrangements.

Whilst the spousal relationship has come to an end, the parental relationship continues and some parents need help to separate these two aspects when the boundaries are blurred. It is not at all unusual for one parent to feel like they are trying to ‘catch up’ managing the effects of the end of the relationship on themselves. In mediation we can help parents to focus on the needs of their children at a time when their own lives are changing and they themselves are having to adapt to new circumstances. In mediation we focus on amongst other things how parents can support each other and communicate better when it comes to the joint task of ‘parenting’ their children

We recognise that each family is unique and require their own set of arrangements. Some may need a well defined set of times and dates, together with boundaries regarding how they will communicate any alterations to the schedule. Others will be able to live with a looser structure. Often we encourage parents to make short-term arrangements to allow for a trial period to see how the arrangements work. These can then be reviewed to see how they have worked in practice and adjustments made where necessary.

The mediator and mediation process can offer the kind of support so many parents desperately need to work together on improving their communication and sort out their own arrangements without needing to go to the court..