We get what we expect!

Whenever we develop expectations for a certain event, our brain often moulds our perception of that event to match expectations. We get what we expect. We see what we expect to see. We hear what we expect to hear. We feel what we expect to feel. Placebo effects are a clear example of that concept.

This is no different in mediation and an environment of conflict. One just has to talk to a few people about their perceptions of mediation and what it might be like in mediation with the ‘the other person’ to hear how different or misaligned each person’s perception is about each other.

After all what is conflict if it is not about two people who perceive that their vital interests, beliefs etc are being threatened or challenged by each other.

Our expectations strongly influence our perceptions and therefore our conflict behaviours.

Therefore, what happens if and when a person hears their mediators say from the outset that;

‘nearly all our clients are successful in mediation when they come to mediation with an open mind….’

This pre-supposes that mediation will be successful if the person comes with an open mind which immediately activates a mindset journey to openness, if the person is committed to mediation working for them.

It is important for the mediator to convey a strong and clear message in their intakes and at the beginning of each mediation session, in order to enhance the chances of conveying high expectations in their client’s mind for the rest of their message, as they prime and prepare their clients for mediation.

It is also important for the mediator to elicit a clear sense from each client, before mediation starts, about what they expect from each other and the process.

When the mediator knows what each client expects it should provide the mediator with a indication of the kind of evidence each client will be looking for to confirm their expectations about each other (confirmation bias/selective avoidance).

This will in turn help the mediator to help their clients understand the closed loop of expectations they may be working in.

Often, when clients understand the limiting impact that their expectations are having on themselves and their behaviour, the bias they may working under, how they might be interpreting each other’s behaviour, the assumptions and the judgements they might be making about each other, they should feel empowered to make changes (however small at first) needed to overcome these limitations.

In essence, mediation provides the opportunity for each person to shift limiting perceptions and expectations, overcoming the barriers of unconscious bias, confirmation bias and reactive emotional states so that they can move on to work in an environment of mutual co-operation, reciprocation and collaborative problem solving.

Good luck to all those mediators and people out there, trying to reach their own agreements.