I have come across many people who believe that once the court is involved anything goes.

When we throw competition into the mix it seems that it is all too tempting for people to believe that the end justifies the means whether this is in the sporting arena, court proceedings or indeed, simple family games. Competition can bring out the worst in us. It all becomes very polarised.

For some reason, competition is more likely to lead people to disengagement from their morale conscience so that they feel able to cheat. They distance themselves from the need to be answerable to their core values.

(On a positive note, good people will do good things if they are morally engaged)

The ‘ends justifies the means’ argument is an argument for morale justification.

Cheaters also tend to minimise the consequences and dehumanise the victim ie ‘ They deserve it, considering what they have done’.

Court proceedings also displaces responsibility to some extent. People can hide behind the fact that their solicitors are running the show, taking responsibility and that the Judge is making the decision, which somehow seems to absolve some people from engaging in the process in a morale and value based way.

Court is not an empowering process. In fact, it can have quite the opposite effect of making people feel completely out of control, confused, anxious and vulnerable.

So, what is the anwer? The answer is to solve your own problem by engaging with others in an ethical, value and principle based process in which you have to reach your own agreements and resolve you own disputes albeit with help from a specialist neutral facilitator and lawyers supporting this approach.