The 2 doors of opportunity- Mediation or Litigation?

John E Hind
Categories: Coaching, general, Teaching

Your process options

You have separated. You have a financial agreement and child arrangements to sort out. You are anxious because you don’t know anything about your legal rights, you have no one to protect your interests, you are feeling emotionally vulnerable and your former partner is being antagonistic.

So what do you do, where do you go?

Is there someone who can explain your options to you, someone who can explain the law to you but, someone and a process that will not make matters worse because what you really fear is;

things getting out of control,
spending a lot of money on lawyers and court with no chance of getting this back and
that your children might suffer from an escalating conflict between you and your former partner.

You have choices!

You can pass through the mediation door into the hands of a neutral mediator to explain your options, someone who specialises in facilitating a fair and humane process which addresses your core concerns. They will explain your process options and what mediators do

A different door into the hands of a solicitor who offers to protect your interests and communicate/negotiate on your behalf, which sounds and feels very appealing and reassuring, especially in view of way you are feeling.

However, the two choices could not be more different, with potentially very different outcomes.

The likelihood is that you will choose door 2 for a number of reasons

First, we all tend to make decisions for short term reasons, and based on self interest, without considering the longer term implications. Sadly, having been around long enough (23 years as a family lawyer and 18 years as a mediator) I know what is in store for you, your children and your families for the future, behind each door.

Second, what your solicitor tells you can feel very reassuring. After all they are their to protect your interests.

The problem of course is that your partner’s solicitor is there to do exactly the same for them and is probably giving them a similar amount of reassurance and contradictory advice.

All I would say to anyone facing this choice is, make sure that you make a fully informed decision, with your eyes wide open to the implications of your choice so you do not have to live with regret.

Looking back in years to come you need to be able to face yourself, your former partner, children and family and say, “ I made what I thought was the best decision at the time based on detailed research of the options and their implications and based on discussions with the experts, a mediator and a solicitor.”