A two minute communication exercise.

I often find one of the most satisfying things in family mediation is helping people to communicate more effectively.

The inability to communicate effectively is wide spread or perhaps i just come across it alot in my job as a mediator.

So,what goes wrong? What do I see?

Well, in a nutshell, as emotions rise, the ability to hear becomes more and more impaired. Not in a physical way you  understand but thoughts and feelings just get in the way, like lumps of cotton wool fitting in between the ears and the brain.

Try this exercise.

How often have you been listening to what someone is saying to you and after a few sentences you quickly feel the urge to respond to what they have said?

At this point, the focus of your concentration has probably now move away from what they are saying  on to how and when to make your point.

By this stage, very little of what is being said is actually being heard!

So, try this.

Plan and practice listening. Ask someone to tell you about their opinion on a controversial issue and just sit back and listen

·       Put aside all thoughts of what you would like to say as and when you feel the urge to do so

·       Look at and focus on listening to the person who is speaking and observing their body language

·       If you are starting to lose concentration start to repeat in your head what is being said to you

Once the other person has finished then consider a well briefed and constructed reply.

Ask the other person how they found being listened to, how did it make them feel? Are they more receptive to your reply having being “actively listened “ to?

You may be surprised at what you hear.

A BLOG POST BY ROBERT PRIOR-Compass Resolution Mediation