In the first of 2 blogs I set out 7 things you really need to do if you want to resolve things in mediation when your relationship comes to an end.

Be motivated to sort things out

Feeling compelled to come to mediation or being there because you don’t want to look like the one being obstructive will be an emotional and psychological barrier to progress in mediation. You need to coming to mediation wanting to resolve things for yourselves even if you cannot yet see how you are going to be able to do this.

Say what you mean

Be open, honest and genuine when it comes to expressing your your own thoughts and feelings about things discussed in mediation. Your thoughts and feeling are as real and legitimate as your partner’s. If you feel that your partner is being honest and open, whether you like what you hear or not, you will feel more able willing to listen and take on board what they are saying and visa versa.

Be prepared to listen with an open mind

Without listening very carefully to your former partner you will not understand their views, feelings and what they want. Without understanding these you will not be open to being able to acknowledge and perhaps, accept alternative views different from your own. The same is true of course of your former partner. It must be a mutual process

Be prepared to give up some things as the price of reaching an agreement

Having listened and understood what is really important to each other, be prepared to give each other some of these things whether this is in the form of practical/financial things, acknowledgements, reassurances or even apologies. If this becomes possible you will be amazed at the speed at which you are able to resolve things in a way which seems fair and reasonable to you both.

To be continued…