When I am asked as a mediator to help two or more people, the three main questions I ask myself are;

1 What does each person want to achieve
2 Why or what concerns would this satisfy and,
3 How can I help them achieve these things.

The helping mediator needs to be as clear as possible from the outset about the answers to these questions because without knowing what each person wants to achieve the mediation will very likely ‘go round the houses’. I aim to be quite clear about this by the time i finish my separate mediation intake meetings.

In family mediation 1.5-2 hours for each session is not much time to help couples identify the things most important to them and to go on and help them achieve them together so, focussed attention is vital.

That means that the mediator must focus on helping the couples to focus on what it is they each want, followed by helping the couple to focus on how to achieve these things in mediation.

I am of course labouring the word ‘ focus ‘ but so much of mediation and problem solving is about every person involved remaining focussed on why they each of them are in mediation.

It is of course important to establish the reasons early on for each person wanting what they want so that the mediator can quickly distinguish between their positions or what they say they want, what they would quite like to have and what they must have or really need in order for mediation to be successful.

This is all done by following an established process sequence in mediation and asking questions, each of which serve a specific purpose.

Throughout this whole process each person in the mediation will be encouraged to focus on what they want but also what the other person or people want and what might or might not work in the particular situation,which is what I sometimes refer to as 3D focus on self, the other and the situation.

For me, focussed attention is at the heart of mediation and problem solving success.

John Hind is an Exeter based mediator. For more information about services click here.