Having practiced family law for over 20 years and mediated for over 15 years I came to the conclusion a few years ago, when i started mediating full time, that the skill is not in knowing the law but in the art of be able to effectively help and support the separating couple to reach their own agreements, within the context of the law.

Why do I say this? The family litigator might argue that the skill is not just in knowing the law but in applying it and persuading the Judge that they are right and the other person is wrong. But, there is of course a price to pay for this approach, not least in time and costs.

Knowing the law is not too difficult. The family legal principles are fairly straight forward and there are plenty of cases, if you have time to read them, to guide people. But, if the aim is not to spend an arm and a leg and to be able to carry on jointly parenting the children for example, in an effective and positive way, the task is far more complicated.

Most separating couples have to navigate a whole host of emotional challenges, feelings, differences of views, different personalities, to say nothing of behavioural patterns that are sometimes very deep rooted, while sorting out the practical problems of separation.

Enter the family mediator, fully informed and up to date with the law and an expert in facilitation, able to help the couple work through their differences over a few short meetings,encouraging empathy, focussing on common ground, managing the process, testing assumptions, focusing attention on future possibilities rather than past mistakes, analysing and acknowledging.

The list goes on and on. The skills are multi layered and only improve with time, experience, as well as life experiences. It is an art, rather than a science. This is where the skill is.