70-80% of people still go to a family lawyer first when they separate rather than a family mediator even though it could be argued that in 70-80% of cases it is more suitable for a family mediator to see the person first. Well, that is at the heart of what the Government believes which is why, on the 1^st April this year, in all but exceptional cases, legal aid will no longer be available for divorce and separation.

The Government are keen for people to take responsibility for making their own decisions when a relationship comes to an end rather than rushing to a lawyer and then on to court. They believe that it is important for couples to have all the facts about mediation and other processes before they make a decision about how to separate.

Not only have they ‘ pulled the plug’ on legal aid to see a solicitor, they are also going to make it compulsory for a person wishing to make a court application to attend a meeting with a family mediator first to find out more about mediation, whether it can help and whether it may be suitable. This is the Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) that you may have read about.

So what is family mediation and why mediate?

In summary, mediation is a very flexible process in which a neutral mediator helps and supports the couple to solve their own problems and reach their own financial solutions and children arrangements. It is a highly skilled and very fluid process in which the challenge of reaching outcomes that seem fair to each personbecomes the adversary rather than the people involved.

There may be all sorts of reasons why people feel that mediation may not be for them. Many of these result from fear based on misunderstanding the process or a misperception about what it involves and what will be expected of them in trying to sort things out together when all past efforts have failed. People will only try mediation if amongst other things, they trust the mediator, understand the process and feel adequately prepared and safe.

4 keys to a successful mediation

1. Find a skilled and experienced family mediator who is fully accredited with the Family Mediation Council. Typically, mediators come from a variety of backgrounds including family lawyers, chartered financial planners, social workers and therapists. Choose one that has the most appropriate skills and experience for you and your circumstances.
2. Find out more about mediation and what is involved by attending a MIAM (mediation information and assessment meeting). These will be free of charge if you qualify for legal aid. You can work this out yourself by using one of the online calculators. https://www.gov.uk/legal-aid-eligibility-calculator
3. Then, work out why you might want to mediate. The positive ‘why’ creates the motivation and commitment to resolve things in mediation.  What is going to keep you talking and exploring options if and when things get difficult in mediation and you still have the option of going to court?
4. Look for the right support from friends and professionals to help you through the separation process. There is only so much the mediator can do to help and support you during the separation process. Much of the positive work is done in between mediation sessions when your ‘positive support network’ play a crucial part.

If you ask most people when they separate whether they want to go to court a few will say they do, some will see no way of avoiding it, for some it will be necessary to keep them safe or in case of an emergency but, for the vast majority, with the right practical and emotional support, it is completely avoidable.

Since the 1^st April most people will be encouraged to see a family mediator first who may then refer that person to a family solicitor if is necessary early on (if for example the mediation process is not right for them) or, indeed later on in the mediation if it becomes necessary to obtain a court order. The reality is that in most of these cases there will never be any reason to attend court which has to be good news in most cases for separating couples and their children.

We are witnessing a change in how we separate and how we resolve our differences. We witnessing a radical change in our dispute resolution culture as the family mediator takes over the baton from the family lawyer as the first person to see when facing a relationship and family breakdown.

John E Hind LLB (Hons) is the Director of Compass Resolution, a family mediation network in Exeter, Devon and the South West. He experienced conflict first hand as a British Army Officer in the 80’s before training in law and becoming a family lawyer in the early 90’s. He has been a family mediator for 15 years and now specialises exclusively as a mediator, family consultant, skills trainer and mediation coach. He is accredited by the Family Mediation Council, Resolution (The Solicitors Family Law Association), the Legal Services Commission (Legal Aid Board), the Civil Mediation Panel and is a member of the Law Society Family Law Panel.

www.compass-resolution.co.uk