Because your children need you too!
IF you are serious about not wanting them to suffer from their parents separation and the conflict that often ensues.
What do I mean?
By parenting relationship I mean the 3 rd person perspective. The relationship that the children thrive on, or not, as the case may be.
The WE, US, OUR perspective rather than your own more narrow 1st person perspectives, emotional needs and interests ie ‘I’, ‘Me’, ‘My’
You choose how your frame your inner voice and articulations.
How do you do this?
By focusing all your psychological, emotional and communication energy and resources on working together to ensure that your children’s needs are met at every neurological level.
Eg patience, tolerance, understanding and, yes, even empathy for each other.
Some Keys to better communication with your former partner and parent;
- Focus on biting your tongue – exercise self restraint as you listen to any complaint and blame.
- Lead by example as you try to discover what it is about you and how you behave that your former partner finds most difficult
- Don’t be afraid to reflect back what you are hearing to check that you understand them and they feel heard and understood
- Listen for the ‘feeling words’ being used and again, acknowledge what you are hearing ie interact (respond) positively with the feelings
- It is essential that you both feel heard and understood and not judged BEFORE you feel able to listen to how you each feel.
REMEMBER, it is about ‘THE RELATIONSHIP’ and building this.
Once you are both able to listen to each other without reacting and judging, you can begin to move on to to explore what needs to change in order to improve the parenting relationship FOR THE CHILDREN and that means you may BOTH have to change the things you are currently doing.
Without change, nothing will change !
Why do we need to put our parenting relationships first?